I have not done a ton this month. I know last month I was saying I was going to do an incredibly high amount of work, but I got a bunch of projects dumped on me this month and I have not had much time at all to work on the project. I did get my outline done this month which was nice. It was a lot of work and was incredibly frustrating when I had to begin work on it again after basically completing it a couple of months ago. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this project and my future in the field, though. I honestly do not think I want to continue working in the paranormal field once this book is completed. I have a few things I am required to do, such as a conference next month in Rhode Island (which my project advisor will actually be at which will allow us to meet for the first time so that is awesome) and a library talk in June. But after that, I think I am done. I started the field six years ago with the expectation that it would be this amazing academic group of fascinatingly eccentric individuals. What I have found is that it is a lot more like a high school. I am already in high school, I do not want to deal with it elsewhere. All of the infighting and arguing and everything has just made me less and less interested in the subject matter as well. I also began work on the book's introduction.
I can't really think of a good example of me showing initiative. I guess I did when I sat and did a bunch of soul searching over the course of this month to figure out whether or not this really is the field for me, and I have pretty much decided it is not.
A highlight of this month relating to my work in the field, in general, was a very close friend of mine and his wife got some incredibly good news. They found out she does not have cancer. The whole Centre for Fortean Zoology was really excited and celebrated. I've been worried for a long time about it so it was good to hear the good news.
This month I learned I am sick of the paranormal field and all of its subsections. I do not care for many of the people who frequent the conferences, many of my close friends in the field have either quit or have ceased going to events altogether, and I frequently get chastised, made fun of, or simply ignored for my opinions because of my age. The cryptozoological field in particular, when I started out was incredibly supportive and now it seems like everything has changed, especially because I do not agree with many of the conventional explanations or ideas in the field. I have been losing interest and have been feeling frustrated for nearly a year now and I have not known what to do about it. I am interested in so much more than supposed mysteries that no one actually seems interested in solving. I want to write comics, I want to do journalism, I want to do so much more and I feel like the field was just holding me back at this point.
The challenge I faced was actually doing something. I have not been that interested in writing the book in a while, I just kept lying to myself about being interested and excited and wanting to do this. I have not done a ton concerning the project. I will get my hour requirements and work hard while I am doing it but what I really want to do is work on this short story that has been rumbling around in my mind for a long time. And I have. It has been a challenge to actually sit down and do the 20 hours I did get this month because every time I sat down to work I ended up working on the short story instead because I am honestly enjoying it so much more. I am interested in what I am writing about for my book, I just feel burnt out about it.
I am looking forward to the conference I am attending in Rhode Island next month. In attendance will be some of my favorite people in the field and some who I have not seen in years. I think that it will be a good goodbye to the field, at least for now.
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| This is my outline |
